Well it is almost my 50th Birthday and yesterday I was looking for the card that my mother usually sends me.  She alway would send it early.  So that I would have it in time for my birthday.  But it didn't come and it will never come again. How sad that makes me. I will just have to go through my birthday card box and dig out all the cards that she has sent me in the past.  She would always sign it "Love Mummy".  I love you Mummy and Miss you very much.

I feel terrible and sad, and truly angered.  But I will not go on living that way as I know it really doesn't help.  I will see her again someday.  I have a lot of living to do.  So just more time to see things and do things and meet all kinds of people.  I do want to say that even with all the crap that Fred and I dish out to each other, we both feel very bummed out about not having Mummy around.  She has been such a big part of our lives.  You know I felt bad that I only had my dad for 18 years.  But I had my mom for 50.  Granted I would have liked it to be longer at least 2 more months.  But when God calls upon you, you must go. Unless you are stubborn and can't seem to follow the rules.  Which she was a rule follower.  Unlike me, to a degree that it.

Funny is that I keep hearing the ring tone of my phone in the background.  Off in the distance.  I heard it the whole time I was in Florida the week following my mother death.  It is one of the songs that Quentin Tarantino always puts in most of all his movies.   It is called the "Twisted Nerve Main Theme".  It is the one where they whistle through the whole piece.  It is ingrained in my head.  But my mom never did whistle very well.  Maybe it is my father letting me know they are thinking about me or that she is ok.

Well, off to clean the house, help the kid with school and if it is not raining walk the dogs.

Stay strong, love hard, and be good........to your siblings.  No matter who they are.