The loss of my mother

Well, on April 5, 2014 around 8:45 am or so, my mother Janice, passed away.  I got the call from my sisters at 7 am my time as there is a 3 hour difference from where we all live.  My only regret is that I didn't get a chance to see her in the recovery stage. If I had I would have given her the blessing.  I know she was tired and just couldn't fight anymore.  She was weak and her body just couldn't handle the fact that it was not strong enough to carry on.  But her mind was still there and she didn't want to die.  She was a fighter.  In more ways than one.  But when the body says it is time then the mind just doesn't have enough say in the matter.

Needless to say I was shocked.  I did not expect to hear that but i knew that if the phone was ringing at 7 am on a Saturday morning then it was most likely bad news.  And indeed it was. I was planning on going to see her the following week and to sit in the rehab room with her all day and into the evenings just to be with her and get to know her a little bit more.

She was  81 years old and I am sure she was not ready to depart from this world.  My sister informed me the day before that I should make plans to fly out to Florida to see her.  I knew that if I was able to have been there that I could have said good-bye. I waited too long and she could not hold on.  Her body was just not cooperating with the control that she was imposing upon it.

Fred, my step father and I didn't think that she would have left us so soon.   We both had wishful thinking going on and thought that she would pull through this small obstacle that was blocking her way from living the way she had.  My older sister asked if she was giving up and she said sternly that she was NOT GIVING UP.  So that was encouraging. Good she was not ready to depart. So maybe I had time.

She was a stubborn woman with a flare for the sugar and spice.  You either loved her or not.  Either way, she would leave her mark.  She had a lot of love to give to her family and friends but hated waiting for things to happen.  Patience was not one of her virtues. But giving love and support to her children was.  She supported 3 girls emotionally, mentally and physically.

Unfortunately, she became a single parent at a young age of 49.  Nothing could have stopped what had happened.  On December 12, 1982, my father developed Acute Leukemia.  He was sick for 3 weeks and then gone. That left her holding the bag.  She was a working mom so she continued to work till she retired.  I was 18 at that time and was in my first term first year of college.  I am sure that she must have felt very lonely without 2 of her children to help her through this transition.  Laurie my older sister (the middle one) was living in California, but Robin the eldest was living at home with her and my father at the time.  I'm glad that my mother was not alone to have to deal with the pain of losing her husband.  They could grieve together.  Me, I went back to college to finish up my first year.

That following summer I became a camp counselor at an overnight camp.  Let me tell you that is not the best place to grieve the loss of a loved one.  Half way through the summer I needed to leave and go back home to be with my mom.  She could help me with the grieving process.  And she did. Because she loved me and knew I needed her guidance, she was able to help me get back on my feet.

By the time September of 1983 came, I was ready to start my 2nd year of college.  All smooth. Got my degree 7 years later and moved back home. But this time my mother had found Fred. He was smart as a whip and sharp as a knife.  They met through work.  He was now her partner in crime. She had found someone to share her life with.  Fred made her happy and in return I was happy for her.

Fortunately for me, she still stayed the same mother that she was.  Helping me in any way she could. She helped me pack to move out of the house, (guess she was ready to be an empty nester).  She taught me how to cook, clean and do my own laundry.  All that a good mother needs to teach her children.  She did let me fall on my face a lot.  Although I didn't learn all the time, she was always there to help me back on my feet.  Even if I made the same mistake 2 or 3 times.  She never pressured me into doing anything I didn't want to do.  But she never forced me to do anything that was good for me either.  I had to determine that for myself.  I don't know if that is a good thing of not.  She showed me what hard work can do and how it can all pay off in the long run.  I have to say that SHE NEVER JUDGED ME.  For either the way I lived or for the woman I became.  She did tell me often that she was proud of me.

Being the baby though did have its benefits.  I got more attention than the others.  She stuck up for me more often than I can remember.  Especially when I was arguing with Fred, my step-father.  It always made me feel good when she told him to shut up.  But I didn't always win the fight.  She was a great referee, always stuck up for her children.  Even though Fred was her husband, her children always came first.  And then the grandchildren.  She had 3.  Now Grandpa Fred has 3.  My mom would always send cards for our birthdays and even our wedding anniversaries.  She liked to make you feel special. She would send me pages from poetry books that she had found.  How much she loved me and how special I was and how proud she was of my accomplishments.  She was not a poet herself but when she found something to say what she wanted to say she either tore it out of the book or made a copy and then sent it with a Love Mom at the bottom.  I wish I had all of the poems that she gave me I would like to read them now.

So in short and wrap up,  She was a woman of great character and substance.  Quite diligent in her efforts.  Very smart, great speller and strong work ethic. She would give you the shirt off her back as long as she was comfortable and you were her friend.  She was always ready to give a strong shoulder to cry on or a disciplinary request when needed.

I sure miss her and I know she knows, I just wish I could have seen her before she left.  But she knows that I love her and always will.  But that doesn't change the fact.  I'm just glad I was able to have her for 50 years of my life.  She was my mother, friend and confidant.  She will be missed for the rest of my life.